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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26435212">First Afters</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/blu3boi/pseuds/blu3boi'>blu3boi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dungeons and Daddies (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Grief/Mourning, Hurt No Comfort, Parental Death, Sad, a lot of things are implied, terry plays piano, thinking about tj always, we die like mean</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 04:26:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>660</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26435212</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/blu3boi/pseuds/blu3boi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The first everything after was bad.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>First Afters</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>       The first everything after was bad. It happened in Summer, he was mowing the lawn, you were rollerblading down the street. It was a little hotter than the previous days but nothing too bad for June in California. It was normal. And in a moment normal disappeared. You fell trying to run to the house to get mom, stupid rollerblades. He was heavy, your neighbors had to help you and mom drag him to the car. You sat in the passenger seat for once as mom drove way too fast. White walls, so many doctors, such big words. Hemorrhage, blood oxygen levels, coma, brain dead, dead. Your birthday was the first thing that happened after. You’re nine now. It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. To be completely honest, both you and mom hadn’t realized it had come until a few weeks later. You laughed about it. Next first is starting fifth grade. Your last year of elementary school. Your friends don’t know. You don’t want them to. You come home early when you start crying when someone asks what you did over summer break. Halloween. He was the one who normally took you while mom handed out candy. You hide in your room. You watch the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown.</span>
  </em>
  <span> You try to ignore the empty feeling inside your chest. You go to your aunt’s for Thanksgiving. Your distant family tries to talk to you. Ask how you're feeling. You don’t respond. Your DS is more interesting. Eventually they stop trying and all their voices fade into the background. The first piano recital you have is the hardest first after yet. He taught you piano. You can’t touch the ivory keys without feeling his presence behind you. Guiding your hands to the correct notes.The audience comments on how dedicated you must be. How you were so moved by the music that it brought you tears. Your relatives come to your house for the first Christmas after. It's nice. The house isn’t empty. You leave your room for a while. The kitchen smells of cinnamon and pine. You feel full for the first time after. Christmas morning you can't help but feel sad, the cinnamon rolls don’t taste the same as when he makes them. You get a lot of presents. You get your first phone. You get an xbox, even though you don’t play that many video games. You even get a kitten, her name is Mabel. You’re handed a small box from your uncle, his brother. You open it… a bracelet. His bracelet. You cry. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You experience so many first afters in your life. All of them hurt. As the years go on it gets easier. Your birthday gets easier, Thanksgiving is easier, Christmas is easier. That doesn't mean it's not hard, but the hurt is less.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Then </span>
  <em>
    <span>he </span>
  </em>
  <span>shows up. He shows up and ruins everything. He’s an ugly reminder that something is different. That someone left. He tries to be him but you know that he never could be. You hate him. You hate him so much. You know with every fiber of your soul that this man is awful...</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>You haven’t seen mom smile like that in a </span>
  <em>
    <span>long</span>
  </em>
  <span> time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Last time you say that smile you were nine, eating ice cream at the dinner table. Mom and him were slow dancing in the kitchen. She looked so happy. She looks so happy. That makes you angry but how can you be upset with your mom? You put up with him. For her. An unexpected first after was the wedding. You had to go. You walked mom down the aisle. She insisted. You can’t say no to your mom. She cried at the altar. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He</span>
  </em>
  <span> cried at the altar. You cry in the bathroom during the reception. It’s been four years since he left and she’s already moved on. Mom moved on from him, the man you share a name with. Mom moved on from you.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ahhh where have i been??? idk but yeah. i think about terry a lot and love him so much. what a goddamn sweetheart love he</p></blockquote></div></div>
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